Númenor at the movies

[altariel]

I did these dream-casts a while back, and have nothing better to do this evening than post them to my LJ.



I think that the next film Peter Jackson should make is a film about the downfall of Númenor. Since this is only going to happen in my head, I can cast whoever I want. Unfortunately, my head doesn't like me, and the studio pulled Jackson off the film part-way through and it all went a bit wrong. So here's the blockbuster movie version. It's a love triangle set on a sinking, um, island.


Downfall!
Directed by James Cameron

Isildur: Russell Crowe
Ar-Zimraphel: Kate Winslet
Ar-Pharazôn: Joaquin Phoenix
Elendil: Viggo Mortensen
Annatar: Kevin Spacey
Gil-galad: Jude Law
Manwë: David Warner
Special guest appearance from Richard Harris as Amandil


Meanwhile, independent funding from BBC Films and the European Community has enabled a first-time director to put together a moody, grainy and utterly stylish version of the same story, shot on location on London's grim South Bank and in leafy Hampstead. Everyone has a real British accent and there are no glaring factual inaccuracies. It's a subtle tale of corruption and betrayal, a brilliant satire of Tony Blair's government. It starts with a tank smashing through the railings in front of Buckingham Palace to the sound of "Rule Britannia", and the final shot is of Big Ben being submerged under the Thames while the Sex Pistols sing "God Save the Queen". It gets only arthouse release and makes about 50p.


Rule the Waves

Ar-Pharazôn: Christopher Ecclestone
Ar-Zimraphel: Julia Sawalha
Isildur: Kenneth Branagh
Annatar: Ian McKellen
Elendil: Robbie Coltrane
The Voice of Manwë: Ian McKellen



And the third in an occasional series:

Carry On Sinking!
Directed by Gerald Thomas

Ar-Pharazôn - Jim Dale
Ar-Zimraphel - Barbara Windsor
Elendil - Sid James
Isildur - Bernard Cribbins
Amandil - Charles Hawtrey
Manwë - Bernard Bresslaw
Sauron - Kenneth Williams

Comments

[ithilwen.livejournal.com]

Thanks - I needed the laugh! Too bad there's no chance of any of these ever being made. I'd sure pay money to see them!

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Glad it made you laugh.

All kidding aside, I'd *love* to see a film of the 'Akallabeth', I think it would make a great movie.

[ithilwen.livejournal.com]

Oh, it would make an absolutely fantastic movie! And there's really no reason it couldn't be done (after a fashion) - just call it the downfall of Atlantis! Of course, the characters' proper names couldn't be used, but we Tolkien fans would be in the know...

[altariel.livejournal.com]

It really does surprise me that no-one has done a film about Atlantis. Perhaps the end seems a bit too depressing. But then they made 'Titanic', didn't they?

[ithilwen.livejournal.com]

It surprises me, too. Maybe we should pitch it to the movie studios?

"Look at all the money that movie "Titanic" made - and that was just a sinking boat! Imagine how much more exciting sinking an entire island would be! And this isn't just any island, but the mystical isle of Atlantis - and you know how hot all that new-age mysticism stuff is now... It's sure to be a hit!"

Think they'd buy it?

[altariel.livejournal.com]

I think they'd be fools not to buy it. *I'd* go and see it!

[fileg.livejournal.com]

I would put my money down to see Robbie Coltrane as Elendil!

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't he be brilliant?

[cdybedahl.livejournal.com]

Someone desperately needs to make a Wobblevision version of number two there.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I fear you may be right.

[aralanthiriel.livejournal.com]

Ar-Pharazôn: Joaquin Phoenix

*drools* Yes, please! :D

Would also find Ian McKellen being both Manwe and Annatar very amusing. Wonder if that might explain Manwe's propensity for twiddling his thumbs whenever Morgoth was wreaking havoc. Hee!

[altariel.livejournal.com]

that might explain Manwe's propensity for twiddling his thumbs whenever Morgoth was wreaking havoc

All makes sense now, doesn't it?

[aralanthiriel.livejournal.com]

This realization hit me like a giant 1,000-watt lightbulb just lit up above my head, burning my brain.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Yin to each other's yang. Cream to each other's coffee.

[rcfinch.livejournal.com]

I'd love to see any of these, but preferably all.
No. 2 is my favourite, with Ian McKellen as Annatar *and* the voice of Manwë.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

No. 2 is my favourite too, it's practically all story-boarded in my head.

A film about Túrin would be brilliant too... hmm... dream-casting...