Ainulindalë drabble

[altariel]

I finally got it done, only five months late.



Ainulindalë

And so we sang, in unison, for we were instruments.
I raised my voice, and made the music I was made to make;
Soared, raged, cried;
Others heard, and gave me their accord—
Were silenced.

And so, what had we sung?
Crash of iron, breath of air, echo of water—
Call of darkness.
Instruments, we made the music we were made to make,
And we are bound to it.

And so we sang.
Mountains raised, I flattened them;
Smooth green fields, I sharpened them;
Point counterpoint.
And so we sing,
And this is Arda, nor am
I out of it.

Mine.

Comments

Non Serviam

[akanthis.livejournal.com]

It was worth the wait. All the months.

Re: Non Serviam

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[mrkinch.livejournal.com]

Magnificent! Now I say, well, of course that POV is the way to go but it's a beautiful jolt when it comes.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

That POV was the only idea I had across the blank five months. And then the rest of it leapt out of some bit of my subconscious yesterday afternoon. I'm glad you like it!

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

Nononono. You have enhanced my evening. Simply superb. I love it so much.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :-)

[kathyh]

That was excellent. Beautiful, dark and poetic.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[lame-pegasus.livejournal.com]

Stunning beautiful, wonderfully crafted sentences. Brava, really.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm pleased you like it! :-)

[kerravonsen]

Oh my. Cool cool cool.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Very glad you like! :-D

[forodwaith.livejournal.com]

Ah, lovely. Three-part harmony.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you like it. Thank you.

[ladywenham.livejournal.com]

I don't normally enjoy poetry, so the fact that I very much liked this should say something. Great job. :)

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :-D

[rcfinch.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. And this seems the most plausible POV. But now I wonder what the difference is between a drabble and a poem.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

But now I wonder what the difference is between a drabble and a poem.

Yes, I was puzzling about that one. I've never written free verse before, but it seemed to make sense to do it this way.

I'm very glad you like it.

[windswept1.livejournal.com]

That was lovely!

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :-D

[teasel.livejournal.com]

Oh, my, that was great. I like the way you make Melkor weirdly smart and perceptive about his situation -- from the pun in "we were instruments" he's irked by his idea that Iluvatar's harmony requires and even anticipates his own participation, even as a discord. Love too the way you start with "we" and end with "mine" -- Melkor's song enacts the appropriation that's the essence of his crime. *admires you*

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Melkor weirdly smart and perceptive about his situation

Melkor would have to understand this; I suppose herein lies more and more of his anger.


end with "mine" -- Melkor's song enacts the appropriation that's the essence of his crime

'Mine' is also the 101st word of the drabble ;-)

I'm really glad you liked it, thank you!

[teasel.livejournal.com]

'Mine' is also the 101st word of the drabble ;-)

Oooooh, you clever, wicked thing you. *admires you more*

[altariel.livejournal.com]

*evil grin*

[the-wild-iris.livejournal.com]

Oh, beautiful. I love the clear tone and precision of it. The play on words in 'sharpened' and 'flattened' is clever without being required to understand the lines, since they work perfectly in their literal sense - a bonus, I guess :)

I'd never have called this a drabble. Was it written for the HASA challenge? It seems a work its own right, rather than a 'version' of the chapter, and much more substantial than a prose drabble in the sense that poetry is more packed that prose. I hope you post it as a poem :)

[altariel.livejournal.com]

I am absolutely chuffed to bits that you liked this. Thank you.

It was indeed written for the HASA drabble challenges (although it's actually 101 words). Going for a summary version of the chapter would have made it very dry, I think - although it does follow some of the narrative of the Ainulindalë.

I've taken the plunge and posted it on ff.net as poetry, in the Silm section. (My attempts at poetry are still in single figures. I'm always astonished when I produce a piece of poetry. And I never thought I'd write free verse.)