Beatitudes

[altariel]

This is the very last story due for last year’s ficathon at bujold_fic. Written for nishatalitha, who has been extraordinarily patient and polite about the delay. nishatalitha asked for “pretty much anything with Cazaril in”, and later asked for something from Betriz’s POV, on falling in love with Cazaril.

Betriz, on Cazaril. After The Curse of Chalion.



Beatitudes

I would not change how we first met. I had heard many times of love at first sight, I had longed for that moment of eyes meeting across crowded rooms and recognizing the other as the only one there, the only one that could ever be there – and yet I would not change how we first met. You saw me before I saw you, and it warms my heart to think of you loving me before ever I knew you had walked all that way into my life.

I would not change that time when we grew to know each other. Looking back, I seem someone different then – still a girl, taking her first steps into a wider, darker world. I could not have had a gentler, better guide.

I would not change our first kiss. Granted in a dark hour, it gave me courage when my heart failed and I could not see the way ahead. I seem to recall one of us regretting it the morning after... Perhaps you, sir, would change that...?

And no, indeed, I would not change that hat. And nor, I suspect, despite the merriment of that foolish pair of brothers, would you. Your way was long and the Bastard’s Teeth bite hard. It has followed you to Cardegoss, I note.

Because you have asked me, and for no other reason – no, I would not change the scars upon your back. Each stroke, you say, was a needful step to hearing the music of the Lady. And because I have seen your eyes fill at the merest echo of her soul-song – for that, and that alone, I would not change the scars upon your back. But I would have borne it all with you. Stroke for stroke.

And never shall I take back what I said once to you. That I would storm heaven for you. That promise stands, my love. It stands forever.

So I would change none of it – not the path that brought you to me, not the road we have taken since, not the way I see ahead for us together. Long life, my love, and more than blessed.

But the beard had to go.