Ainulindalë drabble

[altariel]

I finally got it done, only five months late.



Ainulindalë

And so we sang, in unison, for we were instruments.
I raised my voice, and made the music I was made to make;
Soared, raged, cried;
Others heard, and gave me their accord—
Were silenced.

And so, what had we sung?
Crash of iron, breath of air, echo of water—
Call of darkness.
Instruments, we made the music we were made to make,
And we are bound to it.

And so we sang.
Mountains raised, I flattened them;
Smooth green fields, I sharpened them;
Point counterpoint.
And so we sing,
And this is Arda, nor am
I out of it.

Mine.

Comments

Non Serviam

[akanthis.livejournal.com]

It was worth the wait. All the months.

[mrkinch.livejournal.com]

Magnificent! Now I say, well, of course that POV is the way to go but it's a beautiful jolt when it comes.

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

Nononono. You have enhanced my evening. Simply superb. I love it so much.

[kathyh]

That was excellent. Beautiful, dark and poetic.

[lame-pegasus.livejournal.com]

Stunning beautiful, wonderfully crafted sentences. Brava, really.

[kerravonsen]

Oh my. Cool cool cool.

[forodwaith.livejournal.com]

Ah, lovely. Three-part harmony.

[ladywenham.livejournal.com]

I don't normally enjoy poetry, so the fact that I very much liked this should say something. Great job. :)

[rcfinch.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. And this seems the most plausible POV. But now I wonder what the difference is between a drabble and a poem.

[windswept1.livejournal.com]

That was lovely!

[teasel.livejournal.com]

Oh, my, that was great. I like the way you make Melkor weirdly smart and perceptive about his situation -- from the pun in "we were instruments" he's irked by his idea that Iluvatar's harmony requires and even anticipates his own participation, even as a discord. Love too the way you start with "we" and end with "mine" -- Melkor's song enacts the appropriation that's the essence of his crime. *admires you*

[the-wild-iris.livejournal.com]

Oh, beautiful. I love the clear tone and precision of it. The play on words in 'sharpened' and 'flattened' is clever without being required to understand the lines, since they work perfectly in their literal sense - a bonus, I guess :)

I'd never have called this a drabble. Was it written for the HASA challenge? It seems a work its own right, rather than a 'version' of the chapter, and much more substantial than a prose drabble in the sense that poetry is more packed that prose. I hope you post it as a poem :)