The Da Vinci Job

[altariel]

Oh man! I just checked back on the cast list for The Da Vinci Job Code, and Paul Bettany has been cast as Silas the albino killer monk!

Can't wait to see him act this bit:

"Andorra, he thought feeling his muscles tighten. Incredibly, it was in that barren and forsaken suzerain between Spain and France, shivering in his stone cell, wanting only to die, that Silas had been saved."

That's made my morning, that has. Ah, Andorra! Why did I ever leave?

Comments

[teawith.livejournal.com]

There's an albino killer monk?? I've avoided the Da Vinci Code like the plague, but I *like* Paul Bettany. Wah. Will I have to see it after all? My eyes, my eyes!

[altariel.livejournal.com]

The book is thorough shite but has some gloriously unintentionally funny moments. If you get joy from bad prose you'll love it.

I want the film to rock. Look at the cast list.

[glitterboy1.livejournal.com]

Bwahaha!

You should give warning before posting passages like that. I just snorted loudly enough to be heard all the way down the corridor.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Oops, sorry!

[furius.livejournal.com]

Looking at the cast, I suspect that the movie's going to be better, at least, more coherent than the book.

Can you just *see* the psychological depth in that passage? :D

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Can you just *see* the psychological depth in that passage? :D

Hee! I must have blinked.

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

I knew I should have drafted an open letter to him also. I just ranted at length about this book (a lot more than it deserves, I know) at my RL blog, here.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

"Welcome to the menstrual hut, Dan Brown. Don't mess with the big girls."

Excellent rant.

I can't help myself with this film. The book is bad, bad, bad, I know, but I just can't help myself.

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

I know, I feel so bad myself, but Paul Bettany! Ian McKellen! Audrey Tautou! (I don't know why I'm squicked by the idea of her being kissed by Tom Hanks.) And I think Alfred Molina is going to play the French servant.

Of course, if I were making it, I would populate it with generous flashbacks and have McKellen also play Da Vinci and Sophie Marceau and Johnny Depp play the Holy Couple. :D THAT would be fun. Although - have you seen The Passion? I thought Monica Bellucci was an inspired choice for M. Magdalene. Although they did the same retarded thing about her being a prostitute in that film. !!!

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Of course, if I were making it, I would populate it with generous flashbacks and have McKellen also play Da Vinci and Sophie Marceau and Johnny Depp play the Holy Couple. :D THAT would be fun.

Boy, I wish you were making it.

Haven't seen The Passion. Good?

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

I know, I wish I was making it too! Johnny would make the spiffiest Jesus EVER.

Haven't seen The Passion. Good?

Heavens, no, it was one of the worst films I've paid money to watch. Literal adaptation is so little fun. No coherence, lots of snuff-filmish blood and gore, and acting so bad you can tell they're hamming even through the alien languages. As your gammer would tell you, you'd be better off at home, reading your Bible.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Heavens, no, it was one of the worst films I've paid money to watch.

Hang on, am I being stupid? Is this the Mel Gibson disaster you're talking about?

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

I am, sorry! Oh, I should have remembered that Jeanette Winterson did a book called that as well, bless her. Did you think of that? I am indeed talking about the Mel Gibson disaster.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

My tiny girl's brain got all confused!

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

*worships your sacred feminine*

[altariel.livejournal.com]

I would like to actually eat some of this food...!

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

Ha, call me when lunchtime's over. ;)

[aervir.livejournal.com]

What a lovely, lovely rant! But it is really more than Dan Brown deserves; I think you have put more intellectual energy into tearing his book to pieces than he did into writing his complete oeuvre.

I actually found the Da Vinci Code rather funny. But then I am very easily amused and have a penchant not only for B-movies and brainless blockbusters, but also for silly popular fiction with lots of bad prose. :)

Just out of sheer curiosity: Are you especially interested in Roswitha von Gandersheim? Or why that particular name for your RL blog?

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

That's true, I'm very ashamed of myself for being so childish. But I had such a good time writing that rant that I just switched the 'ironic' button off and let myself go. I should stop listening to so much 80s U2, they're making me over-serious.

And I'm so glad you live for brainless blockbusters too! Squeals the girl who has read every Jeffrey Archer book in existence. Well, almost every one.

I don't know much about her beyond what I learnt in English Lit 101, which is that it was through her diaries that people even found out that people in Europe were still reading Plautus and Terence. I'm certainly no expert on her work. Are you a fan?

[aervir.livejournal.com]

And I'm so glad you live for brainless blockbusters too!

Only for those with shiny production design, lots of fighting, tons of historical inaccuracies and more or less handsome guys.

Squeals the girl who has read every Jeffrey Archer book in existence.

Hey, that's a literacy crime I haven't committed yet. :) I dumped a lot of stuff by Bernard Cornwell and Minette Walters at OxFam yesterday, though, when I was packing and doing a book purge. Now, why do these confessions almost feel like a meeting of "Bad Fiction Readers Anonymous"? :D

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

But but but - I thought Cornwell was acceptable? I've read one book out of his Arthurian trilogy and liked it very much indeed. Has he committed crimes against literature otherwise?

The Da Vinci code is inspiring me to fic. I have this plotbunny in which a modern day Milton, the Cleverest Man In The World, reads it - and goes blind.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

The Da Vinci code is inspiring me to fic. I have this plotbunny in which a modern day Milton, the Cleverest Man In The World, reads it - and goes blind.

You just made me spit my lunch on my monitor. No cookie!

[applegnat.livejournal.com]

"Out, out, swine dastardly man-strumpet! You're making the rest of us Bible ficcers look stupid!!"

[altariel.livejournal.com]

*more food hits monitor*

[aervir.livejournal.com]

But but but - I thought Cornwell was acceptable? I've read one book out of his Arthurian trilogy and liked it very much indeed.

Oh, the Arthurian Cornwell is good. Much better than Marion Zimmer Bradley or Stephen Lawhead, IMHO.

Has he committed crimes against literature otherwise?

Oh yes, he has! (http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0006510426/qid=1119016049/sr=1-11/ref=sr_1_2_11/202-9679939-3036608) :D

[altariel.livejournal.com]

No worries - I'm enjoying reading it!

[aervir.livejournal.com]

Another great oh-so-original casting choice. Maybe they just had a look at the slightly unflattering photo in his IMDB profile and thought: "Hey, the poor guy does actually look a bit pigmentally challenged. Let's take him." I think he deserves better roles, but perhaps he needs the money just as urgently as Ian McKellen... *sigh*

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Perhaps he couldn't resist working with a cast as good as they've got.

[aervir.livejournal.com]

Might be an explanation. I mean the casting is really fabulous, which makes the project so interesting and tragic at the same time. Oh, well, I am, in all likelihood, going to see the movie just for the cast and the snark anyway, so I should stop complaining. :)

[rcfinch.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. I wasn't going to see this, because I hate the book so much. But now I'll have to. Paul Bettany *and* Ian McKellen...

[altariel.livejournal.com]

It just kind of sucks the viewer in...

[snowgrouse.livejournal.com]

I've been avoiding the book like the plague. I heard the makers of The Holy Blood And The Holy Grail are going to sue, thank fuck. My mum was gushing all over about it and I basically had to scream in her face that OMG IT IS NOTHING FECKING NEW AND BADLY PUT TOGETHER TO AMUSE THE MASSES IN CHRISTIAN CULTURES OMG OMG READ SOME FECKING COMPARATIVE RELIGION augh.

Too many good actors. Ow. Ow. I wish for some random insane crossover with Who since I heard a rumour about Eccles being in it...

[altariel.livejournal.com]

The book is toss. The film... now that might well be a thing of beauty.

[terri-osborne.livejournal.com]

Actually, Bettany's perfect for Silas. Mel Smith (the Albino from The Princess Bride) was who I pictured while suffering through the novel, but Bettany works.

The book: interesting premise, but dead dreadful execution. The line-by-line writing was just excruciating. However, not unlike Harry Potter, I really can't totally despise a novel that makes it into the public consciousness in America like that has, and doesn't demonise things that may not be in the belief system of the theocracy here. Anything that expands some of the horizons around here is, IMO, quite welcome.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Anything that expands some of the horizons around here is, IMO, quite welcome.

Interesting point, well taken.

[communicator.livejournal.com]

I know just what you mean, and one wonders sometimes when expressing dislike of the book whether others are criticising it from completely the other side, for the opposite reasons (eg people who think it is seductive presentation of dangerous ideas).

How many subversive ideas one has gained from reading trashy books...

Still hate the damn thing though

[executrix.livejournal.com]

that barren and forsaken suzerain between Spain and France, shivering in his stone cell,

Well, it's HARD to heat a stone cell that's large enough to hold an entire suzerainty as well as yer Killer Albino Monk.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

It's the way the line not only sucks, it also makes no damn sense at all.

[executrix.livejournal.com]

Damon Runyon: "He was a rotten hitter, but he couldn't field."

DVC is just a book that has EVERYTHING.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

The gift that keeps on giving.

[emeraldsedai.livejournal.com]

I can't bring myself to read the book--the occasional highlighting of a ripe line like the one you've quoted reminds me that Dan Brown's prose has the same effect on me as reality TV: it just makes me cringe, and I need those muscles for other things.

But I'd see Paul Bettany OR Alfred Molina OR Ian McKellan in just about anything. All three of them in the same movie, however bad? I guess I'll be there.

*sigh*

[altariel.livejournal.com]

And if we're really lucky, there'll be a Smart car chase through the streets of Paris.

[jhall1.livejournal.com]

What we really need is Basil Brush, The Movie.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

*brain melts*

[emeraldsedai.livejournal.com]

That would be funny.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

It's the make or break deal for me with this film.

[katlinel.livejournal.com]

"Andorra, he thought feeling his muscles tighten.

Hmph, I was expecting some of teh hot s3x after this line, probably involving pulsating manhood, etcetera, etcetera. That's it, I'm definitely not ever reading this book.

That's made my morning, that has. Ah, Andorra! Why did I ever leave?

So is the sequel called "Longing for WolverhamptonAndorra"?

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Hmph, I was expecting some of teh hot s3x after this line, probably involving pulsating manhood, etcetera, etcetera.

There's some self-flagellation, I think. From character and reader alike.